Rat-A-Tat-Tat

Warning: This is not the most glamorous post this blog will ever see - in fact, I can pretty much guarantee it will be the grossest. So, needless to say, it is not for the faint of heart (or stomach).

Shall we begin with an explanation of the above photo? Yes, the rat is real, and no, it is not photoshopped. This is an image of a GIANT (3 foot?) rat that was killed with a pitckfork in the Marcy projects in Brooklyn.

According to an article featured in this month's New York Magazine, we are in the midst of one of New York City's rat infestations. Yes, rats are par for the course for us New Yorkers. We are used to seeing them scampering down in the subway tracks, or worse in the ally way behind our apartments. But the rat situation is being taken to a whole new level (as evident from the picture above and the video below).

In years past it was said that in the city of New York there was one rat per person - meaning that 8 million rats infested the streets, sewers, and subways of the city. While opinions vary, is now estimated that there are 3 to 4 rats per person - meaning that there are upwards of 20 million rats roaming the city of New York.

As you prepare for the take over of the rats (which now seems inevitable) here are some horrifying facts to keep in mind -- not to scare you, just to make known what we are up against!

• Female brown rats are sexually mature at eight-to-ten weeks and can produce a litter within 21 days of impregnation.
  
• Rats can mate again within eighteen hours of giving birth and routinely turn out more than 50 offspring per year.
  
• Rats can swim for more than half a mile, tread water for three days, sometimes even emerging in the bathroom bowl.
  
• Rats can gnaw through concrete and lead.
  
• Rats can collapse their skeletons to fit through a hole no bigger than a quarter.
  
• Rats can go for two weeks without sleeping

FUN TIMES!!! Read the full article HERE

Makes me Feel Weird

Besides snowstorms before Halloween, here are some other seasonally inappropriate occurrences that make me feel weird this time of year:

• People who wear puffy jackets when its pushing 60 degrees out.
• People who wear Ugg boots with bare legs.
  
• People who wear puffy jackets with bare legs.
• People who go sockless in flats, yet bundle up everywhere else.
• People who wear hoods under hats (this makes me feel weird any time of year).
• People who wear hats under hoods (only excusable if it's blizzarding).
• People who wear scarves that fall longer than their skirts.
• People who wear shorts over tights AND slap on the Ugg boots.
• People who wear Ugg boots and mistake leggings for pants (see video bellow)
  
• People who dress their babies in equally as weather-inappropriate outfits as they dress themselves. (i.e. the baby in the snowsuit whose stroller passes by the baby in the sleeveless onesie)

These are just some I witnessed on my commute today - I'm sure I will have more to add as the season roars on. Come on people - seize the little bit of fall we have and embrace jacket weather while it lasts!

Monday's are a drag....queen.

  

FIERCE. Meow.

Sometimes, there's nothing I love more at the end of the day than a good old shitty reality show starring gay boys who love to dress up as fantastic (and sometimes frightening) queens prancing around in 6 inch heels, wearing things only a 42nd St Hooker could pick out. Yes, ok, they may be 10 foot 4 in those platforms, and sure the butt and boob padding may seem a bit fake at times (especially when accompanied by too much "illusion clevege" that just ends up looking like two drips of coffee ended up in the wrong place...what was I saying...I lost my thought...I'm pretty sure I left a bracket open back there....Anyway. Nobody does Queen Bitch better than last years Rupaul's Drag Race winner "Bebe Zaharah Benet"

Oh! I didn't see you there!

from Camarooooooooon. There is something to be said about large black men who master the art of "femininity" or rather..."extreme overtly sexual in your face bitchy attitude womaness RARRR" --- that's more like it. It's quite alarming to see what the contestants look like when they all take off their "costumes." Some of them are quite the "dudes" others, sort of look like they just don't have their make up on. Some leave the mannerisms for the stage, but most do not do anything of the sort! These raging queens are hilariously entertaining to watch because they not only have to "lip sync for their lives" at the end of each show (of course to a chosen RuPaul dance song) but they draw, make, sow, sing, dance, act and do pretty much anything in these "characters" they've created.

Mr and Mrs and Mr ...and Mrs Obama and Michelle.

Anyway, Monday's are a drag -- but hey! There's HOPE! Just look at Obama Ru and Michelle Paul.
(By the way his real name is Ru Paul....googles it.)

To be taken with a grain of salt....and humor...

For all you Brooklynites

For those of us who can't afford the city prices or stuck up attitudes of Manhattan - Brooklyn has been the answer. Here are two cool sites dedicated to us Brooklyn dwellers.

Check out these images and diverse profiles of some classic (and real) Brooklyn archetypes.

Also a good resource, although a true Brooklynite will already know most of these spots - check out The L Magazines 50 best blocks in Brooklyn.

Also, side note -- PLEASE KEEP THE YUPPIES OUT OF WILLIAMSBURG!!!! Thanks.

Happy (Crappy) Monday

Nothing says "Happy Monday" like the sound of jack hammering at 7am.

Let's start the week off right!

Thanks City of New York!

I can wiiiiivvvv e wibiniwiout tooo i can wiiiiiiiiiiiivvvv

first of all, this wasn't a Mariah Carey song to begin with...it's a Harry Nilsson song.

I just had to share this with the world.

Tuesday Tipp's.

Need to open that sealed envelope without tearing it?

Need to get that god awful smell out of those shoes you wear all the time?

Need to make those candles burn slower and last longer?

Wanna kill dust mites?

PUT ALL THAT SHIT IN THE FREEZER.

I'm serious.

It'll solve any of those problems.

That freezer of yours is much more handy than you think.

(Be sure to put everything in a plastic bad so that ice doesn't form)

Bulgarian Belligerence

Should you be wandering the Lower East side looking for some fun, may I recommend you turn down Ludlow and head into Mehanata. The outside looks dingy and run down - totally unsuspecting. Walking by, one would never guess the debauchery that dwells inside.

Mahanata is Manhattan's own Bulgarian bar - and I must say, those Bulgarians know how to get down. The bar itself is situated with wooden swings instead of bar stools. A sign above the bar reads "No shirt? Free shot!" and is indicative of the bar's hedonistic atmosphere.

A live band plays what I can only assume is some form of Bulgarian disco/techno and belly dancers provocatively shake their way around the dance floor. There are hookahs to smoke and characters to meet. But the true gem of this hedonistic hideaway awaits you downstairs.

Down a dark staircase you will find the ice room. There are silver statues of naked female bodices jetting out from every wall. A bartender outfits you with fur coats and Russian military garb and before you know it, you are handed a shot glass made of ice, and thrust into the sub zero ice room. From there you are given 2 minutes to down as many shots of vodka as is humanly possible. A bucket sits in the corner for those who don't fare so well. Sloppy good ol' fun ensues.

This experience is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach, but if you're feeling adventuress - check it out! I hear the scene gets increasingly out there as the night goes on. Word is it's one of the best places to go to get laid in the city - so yeah, if that's the kind of fun you're looking for...

Don't huff the computer cleaner...unless it's fucking hilarious

So, I'm not sure if any of you have watched the A&E show "Intervention" but there's an episode about a girl named Allison who huffs computer cleaner. Although it is a very sad thing to be addicted to, it also happens to be quite hilarious to watch. You should watch the full episode if you can. Here's the funniest line in the show.

Never have I ever wanted someone to relapse so badly.

Sleep tight everyone, don't let the Allison bite.

Irene! Ahhhyyeee reeeeneee.

So, its been a while since we've posted, but that's because we ditched out for a bit to get some beach before summer's end...

CliffNotes Catchup --

In Washington D.C., the American Flag split ironically
due to force winds up Michelle Bachman's suit dresses.

Irene, in Brooklyn at least, wasn't more than a bad rain storm. I went to bed in anticipation surrounded in the calm before the storm, and awoke with a radio, candles and porn I MEAN flashlights by my bedside expecting an "historic storm"of treacherous proportions -- instead I found people walking their dogs, all the power worked fine, and there were no downed trees in sight. What the F?
The day after this historic failure storm hit brooklyn I could feel the bad hangover in the air from cooping up in their apartments, taping their windows and boarding up outsides, moving furniture and filling the bathtub full of water, buying lots of unnecessary shit....it makes me think...
What if all this talk about a huge 'cane was created by Target perhaps they weren't selling enough batteries and wood panels.... HMMMMMM

I was actually looking forward to that "historic storm" as they said it would be. Instead I found myself eating penut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch and dinner and marathoning james bond films for a few days.

Aw, now, how many dogs do you think pooped in that exact spot?
He must be a tourist.
There's poop everywhere! Get your face off the floor!
I hope you're drunk.